There are many longings of the human heart. These longings are powerful and can serve as a common thread, crossing continents and boarders, language barriers and cultures, social classes and traditions, connecting us all. While the desire to love and be loved is one such common thread, there is another longing that remains ever present within our hearts: the desire to know and be known. From a young age, we seek to know and be known. This desire is coupled with a yearning to more deeply know and understand ourselves. We spend years of our precious time — and great amounts of our hard earned money — in search of people, experiences, words and phrases that will aid us in this long distance journey of self-discovery. We hike the tallest peaks, parachute out of moving planes and travel to the furthest corners of the globe searching for clues to ourselves. We watch television shows and relate to characters who share similar (or exude seemingly desired) attributes. We cruise the internet and various social media platforms for quizzes, self-assessments and personality tests, all in an effort to better understand our true natures. These tests and self-assessments only succeed in grouping us into one or more categories; nevertheless, we review our results with the intent of helping us along our quest of defining who we are. Why do we pursue the external to define the internal? Why do we seek out others’ definition of who we are and so easily adopt their words or phrases as truth? When we place too much emphasis on what others say, allowing them to tell us who we really are, it can subconsciously cause us to overshadow the empowering and life-giving traits that this world desperately needs its women to embody, embrace and inspire. Here are five labels, words and phrases which you may have been told in the past and unknowingly accepted as truth. They will require strength, wisdom and self-awareness to break, but you’re not in this alone. With a little love, generosity and an open mind, you can begin to embrace the fullness of the beautiful life you have been given Label No. 1: “Weird or Out There” to “Innovative and Interesting”Break the mold by embracing your creativity and uniqueness. View yourself as innovative and interesting! Present your thoughts and art to others in new and unexpected ways that inspire thought and action. Label No. 2: “Conceited” to “Empathetic”C.S. Lewis once said, “True humility is not thinking less of yourself; it is thinking of yourself less.” Allow this simple quote to influence the way you serve others and see the world. Label No.3: “Too Opinionated” to “Action-Oriented”Don’t just talk the talk. Together, let’s impact the world for good by discovering what within it breaks our hearts. Then, respond by finding ways to heal the hurt and pain through our actions. Label No. 4: “Perfectionist” to “A Risk-Taker Who Learns From Mistakes”I’ve heard it said, “Strive for progress not perfection.” Perfection is overrated and robs us of the beauty that is only found when we make mistakes and learn from them. Go ahead, take risks and resolve to learn from the inevitable mistakes of life. The world needs more women who are willing to share their lessons of growth with those following a few steps behind. Label No. 5: “Insecure” to “Self-Accepting”We all struggle with insecurity in some aspects of our lives. Whether it’s public speaking, finances, physical attributes or career advancement, these insecurities can run deep. Instead of meditating over our insecurities, let’s spend more of our valuable time focusing on our strengths and what we do well. Together, we can lead the world in wholly embracing the skills and talents that make us all unique. Toni Collette once said “The better you know yourself, the better your relationship with the rest of the world.” The more we begin to embrace what we do well, and continue to develop those gifts and talents, the better we can impact this world for good. Starting today, learn to move forward in spite of the insecurities and fears that have held you back for far too long. The strengths and skills that you have to offer this world far outnumber the weaknesses and insecurities that you might now face. There is power in our words; the cadence with which we speak of and to ourselves can impact our self-worth for better or worse. The decision to allow any label to bend us until we break is ours. So don’t wait! Beginning today, the labels of your past don’t need to serve you any longer. Know that you were meant to accomplish beautiful and brilliant things. You were meant to inspire others to love, push others to succeed and to accomplish good in this world. You were meant to shine! Written by Stasia Rose. First published on www.DarlingMagazine.org on June 21. 2017
To the Fatherless Daughter, You’re not alone, my dear. Every young woman is born with a strong and sacred love for her father. From birth we have an unexplainable desire to trust him, lean on him and believe the best in him. The role of a father in the life of his daughter is a sacred one. There is no doubt of the importance of this relationship dynamic. Truth is, every daughter desires to have a special bond with their father; regrettably, not every girl has the chance. Whether or not your father is absent voluntarily or involuntarily, similar struggles can often present themselves as you move forward and learn to navigate life without him. Sixteen years ago, I lost my father. As I write this letter, I have lived the majority of my life without him. I was eleven years old when he passed and I was completely unaware of the unique set of challenges that it would create for me over time because of such a heartbreaking and confusing loss. I, too, have felt the impact of being a fatherless daughter and have seen the ripples of it in my closest relationships, greatest successes and most difficult seasons. You may not know it now, but one day you will come to realize that this heartbreaking experience will become yet another beautiful and brilliant part of who you are. My story has created in me a passion for helping other women navigate this shift. I am writing you this letter with the sheer hope that a few of the life lessons I’ve learned along the way will guide you in navigating your own unique journey. Learn to forgive your father. Learn to forgive yourself.Do this by remembering the small and perfect moments you spent together. If you were not able to create these memories with your father, I encourage you to write down the lessons that you learned from his legacy instead. If at all possible, seek out ways to honor your father.Dedicate one day a year when you meditate on him, spending more of your energy thinking about the things he did right. This can be Father’s Day, or another date that holds significant meaning. You can donate your time to helping other young men and women with similar experiences, write an encouraging letter to your father (even if it’s one you never send) or recreate a sentimental moment that you both shared (like building a bird house or visiting a park). You may not know it now, but one day you will come to realize that this heartbreaking experience will become yet another beautiful and brilliant part of who you are. Try to avoid using sarcasm as a shield or a defense mechanism for dealing with the pain.Instead, speak truth into your life and circumstances. Always seek out the beauty in life and in others. Watch as this begins to chip away at the walls around your heart and lead to greater joy and happiness. Truth is, the world needs you! The real you. Make the choice today and every day to do the hard work of digging deep and being vulnerable with yourself and with others who seek to understand more you. Learn to identify your feelings and emotions. Call them out. Learn how you feel sadness, anger, loneliness, joy, happiness, contentment and love. Seek out a mentor or counselor who can help you work through these emotions. I did and it made all the difference! Your vulnerability is what will draw people to you. It’s what makes us all human. You are lovely. You are simply magnificent. And your scars are a small part of the beautiful mosaic that makes you who you are. Each day, choose to live a life that will make you happy, a life that a true father would deeply desire his beloved daughter to live. I know it’s hard. Have courage and take heart. Never for one moment be ashamed of your story. Own it. Lean into it. You have the power to change your narrative and transform your story into a force for good that will encourage and inspire others. I believe with every fiber of my being that we can choose to allow our greatest challenges to hold us back in fear or propel us ever forward in love. Choose forward. Choose love. Written by Stasia Rose. First published on www.DarlingMagazine.org on June 18. 2017
When did we learn that blending in and fitting the mold was of paramount importance? Well, I really believe that these lessons began influencing our actions at a very young age. Early on in our educational careers, we were introduced to interactive games that encouraged rigid compliance and “knowing our roles”. Games like House, Red Light, Green Light, Follow the Leader, and Simon Says were just a few of these shining examples. These games (both consciously and subconsciously) taught us to comply, and fit the mold. They even rewarded us with approval, acceptance and applause if we could successfully do both while others were watching.
Whether we realize it or not, continuing to pour our valuable (and limited) time and energy into fitting in can directly hold us back from fully discovering and stepping into our unique callings. Times are changing, and we must work together to unlearn the mis-educations from our past. Starting today, try refocusing the lens through which you see the world. Write down your own definition(s) of success. Begin asking the hard questions, doing your own research and coming to your own conclusions. Starting today, begin building your own unique brand. One that sets you a part and shows others just how unique and special you truly are. You’re Simon now. What do YOU say? Love, Stasia Rose |